What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
Are you sure it's mine?
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Because breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo"
Why do driver's ed classes in Redneck schools only use the car on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish Family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a handicapped baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the post office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage.....along with a recipe.
How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little old lady to yell "BINGO"
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time...."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all aintgonnabelievethisshit...."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one is tall enough to go on the rides.
The position of the dirt bag.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
Are you sure it's mine?
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Because breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo"
Why do driver's ed classes in Redneck schools only use the car on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish Family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a handicapped baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the post office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage.....along with a recipe.
How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little old lady to yell "BINGO"
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time...."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all aintgonnabelievethisshit...."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one is tall enough to go on the rides.
