Men's Age as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house - mowing
the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever.
You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old
work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the
crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of
tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize
you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
________________________________
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,
brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in
the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you
never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the
checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the
register.
_______________________________
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands
and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add
a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl
running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school
with.
________________________________
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to
cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.. Put on different shoes
and a hat. Wash your hands.. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost
empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot.
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The
spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you
feel weird thinking she is spicy.
________________________________
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands
onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog
doo-doo in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you
swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.
The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you
think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is
from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms .'
________________________________
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog
doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your
50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in
your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't
have your glasses on so you are not sure.
________________________________
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store
has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on
your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you
remind her of her grandfather.
________________________________
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you
remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and
wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out
loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with
the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
________________________________
In your 90's & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am
I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house - mowing
the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever.
You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old
work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the
crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of
tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize
you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
________________________________
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,
brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in
the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you
never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the
checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the
register.
_______________________________
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands
and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add
a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl
running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school
with.
________________________________
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to
cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.. Put on different shoes
and a hat. Wash your hands.. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost
empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot.
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The
spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you
feel weird thinking she is spicy.
________________________________
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands
onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog
doo-doo in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you
swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.
The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you
think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is
from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms .'
________________________________
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog
doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your
50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in
your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't
have your glasses on so you are not sure.
________________________________
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store
has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on
your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you
remind her of her grandfather.
________________________________
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you
remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and
wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out
loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with
the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
________________________________
In your 90's & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am
I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
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