:( need a bit of advice

[sur3fir3]

well here I am going to be hitting 34 this year. I ruined the beginning of my life by associating with the wrong people, dating the wrong girls, abandoning my real family. Now I have one family member that still cares, but she will be gone soon. I have tried to find women who are my type, but I always end up getting trampled.

So here I am no real dating in the past 4-5 years, no real girlfriends or anything since I became disabled. I was getting used to being completely alone, and it was fine. this was until I met this beautiful girl who has three beautiful kids, I just don't know what to do.

I've told her about my past and I'm pretty sure she thinks I probably lied, because some of the things I did were pretty out there, but I am always upfront about myself before real feelings become involved.

Its been about a month, and everything was going well until last week, she hasn't answered my texts or anything (only messaged 1 time and called 1 time) I figured if she wants to talk she will contact me.

I am looking for some advice from the older crowd that I know is on here. Would you still look for that companion? or just give up on love altogether? I am really at a loss, because in the past month she has shown me everything I was missing, but now its like its all been ripped away yet again. I have some other women interested in me, but I am not interested in them. I really don't know what to do.

In my first and only marriage I "settled" for less than what I wanted so I know that doesn't work, but it seems that at my age most the women that are left either have issues 30 pages long, are addicts, or what have you. I have been drug free for over 10 years now, and the last thing I need is another person dragging me down that road again.

So please any advice from someone who is in this situation, or has been down the same road please help me out here, I am really trying to not get down over all this, but when I look at my life and realize that I have no one I get just a little depressed.

I know this isnt a social networking site or a let me help you site, but you guys are more my friends than most people i know IRL. Thanks for any advice positive or negative.

 

[nikko508]

Only thing i can say is to let life happen, dont rush it or push for something to happen. After i got divorced i told myself i wasn't going to get involved with females anymore, i was going to focus on my career and thats it. One night i went out with friends, as i was walking down the street this girl tripped and fell right in my arms, i ended up getting married to her 3 years later and been happy ever since. If it's meant to be, it will be. You don't need anyone for you to be happy in your life, you need your life to be a happy place for you.

 

[sur3fir3]

thanks, I am happy with who I am now, I just want someone to share it with I guess. After my last relationship I felt as you said above, which is why I haven't dated in so long. I guess I will just have to relax, be myself, and wait patiently. its just hard to do when you feel like your time is just slipping away.

 

[Mn Monster]

amen to what Nikko said ! i was a wild young one as well, and I'm a firm believer in things happen for a reason! for god sakes i met my wife while skinny dipping !!!!! and have 3 wonderful kids ! life will take you where it goes !


keep your chin up man ! we got your back !
:grouphug:

 

[hotrodrob]

Yup,nikko and mn monster are right imo! Like you said dude just be yourself and don't try too hard,let the planets align as they do,things do happen for reasons bro,....there's 3 kinds of woman like her........lookin for a good time,lookin for love or lookin to screw you over one way or another,don't be afraid to date,..its just a date! instead look at it like your just goin to meet a buddy,its like fishing,the more bait that you can have out the better and the more you do it the better your technique,if one don't like you then oh well move on to the nxt you wont like em all either,..I think everyone can get a bit depressed sometimes man but its how you deal with it that defines you as a person, brother I'm glad that you decided to reach out here"instead of doing something that could not be reversed" and throw it all out there on your sleeve,that tells me that you have a big heart and that you are sincere person,shows integrety,..good qualities man use that to your advantage, it will all work out for you,be confident in yourself!
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[alpinehyperlite]

I've been through literally hundreds of women in my life. (not patting myself on the back or anything, its actually rather upsetting for me) All they ever wanted me for was for material things. I grew up in an extremely wealthy family before i became a broke cop, and always had the best of things. Would go on my parents yacht, condos all over florida to visit, resorts and spoiled the poop out of the current girl i was with. Then i became a wakeboarder and would travel all over the place for that, and pick up girls in the random venues i would perform at. Then i became a cop and along with that came the "holster sniffers" or "badge bunnies" who wanted the thrill of being with a cop. Never was happy though. 4 years ago I met Teri, the girl I'm currently with and have finally been happy with. I'm only 25, but I've done more in my life than most anyone I've ever known who was older than I. Time will tell.

 

[sur3fir3]

thanks rob, you hit it right on the head with the fishing analogy, I tend to "cast out" not so often, I need to change that. I think I will try to make it a point to date at least once a month, until I find someone. I have also been very picky on the type of woman I've dated, maybe its time to use this time to my advantage and step out of my comfort zone. and thanks monster as well

---------- Post added at 2:30 AM ---------- Previous post was at 2:16 AM ----------

I've been through literally hundreds of women in my life. (not patting myself on the back or anything, its actually rather upsetting for me) All they ever wanted me for was for material things. I grew up in an extremely wealthy family before i became a broke cop, and always had the best of things. Would go on my parents yacht, condos all over florida to visit, resorts and spoiled the poop out of the current girl i was with. Then i became a wakeboarder and would travel all over the place for that, and pick up girls in the random venues i would perform at. Then i became a cop and along with that came the "holster sniffers" or "badge bunnies" who wanted the thrill of being with a cop. Never was happy though. 4 years ago I met Teri, the girl I'm currently with and have finally been happy with. I'm only 25, but I've done more in my life than most anyone I've ever known who was older than I. Time will tell.

In 33 years I've had one one night stand. Mainly because I was always in a long term relationship. As for me, the physical part comes later. I've had women get upset at me for refusing to get physical past a certain point in the first few dates. Then if that happens I just move on. like rob said about the 3 types of women. I am only looking for one type, the one for love. I've already had my share of fun girls, and the ones that screw you in more ways than one. I really want the one that matters, sometimes its just hard because many things have changed socially in the past 6-7 years and I've been out of dating for at least that long.

 

[hotrodrob]

Your welcome man,anytime,change is good, and like fishing, what worked the other day doesn't always work the next ya know,gotta change it up sometimes in life,and ya use your time to do what ya gotta do, life is too short to wast away man!.....

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[nikko508]

[/COLOR]

In 33 years I've had one one night stand. Mainly because I was always in a long term relationship. As for me, the physical part comes later. I've had women get upset at me for refusing to get physical past a certain point in the first few dates. Then if that happens I just move on. like rob said about the 3 types of women. I am only looking for one type, the one for love. I've already had my share of fun girls, and the ones that screw you in more ways than one. I really want the one that matters, sometimes its just hard because many things have changed socially in the past 6-7 years and I've been out of dating for at least that long.[/QUOTE]


Dont do that. I'm not saying for you to go around being an ass but females want the security of knowing the man they are with is strong and confident. Hate to say it, females are as big of sluts as men are, only difference is they don't ever want to admit it, ever.
Like alpine, before i got married, the first time, i dated enough women to make populate a small town. The right girl will come, and when she does look out buddy.

 

[sur3fir3]

Oh, confidence hasn't been too much of an issue for me when its someone I am really attracted to, but I can't change my old school ways on the whole sex on the first or second date thing. If she gives it up that easy, I'm sorry I don't care how nice or sexy she is, I'm just not interested. I really am looking for someone I can bring home to mom. (figuratively speaking.) In other words a lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets. I just strongly believe that for me to treat a woman like a lady, and have her appreciate it, she has to believe she is a lady herself.

I dated a bi chick for about 3 years, we had a live in gf that stayed with us, you know.. the works, but after that I realized that the sex part is not something to build a foundation on, and if you introduce it too early into any type of relationship you always run that risk. every relationship I've ever jumped into physically early on has always ended in shambles. (I know I narrow my choices by alot by doing this, but I don't see much of anything that can change my mind on this.) Do you really think you can find a quality g/f or wife from a one night stand? I just dont see it happening.

 

[frickenjoey]

I have to agree with most of all said here however, I would send her a message. If you are serious about her you have to let her know something.....anything. Hey just thinking about you.....or something of the sort. Just like fishing you have to toss the line out. I have missed a fish and tossed the line out again and caught them. I was talking to a girl, we kinda drifted apart for a while. I tied up some loose ends with a couple old relationships, took care of a pregnancy blamed on me. Then one day I called her. We got married 6 months later and have two kids. She has followed me around the world and given me two great kids....because I made that call. (texting was not really around yet)

 

[hamz9561]

I can't offer any advice here other than an observation of the women in my life after my wife died 20 years ago:

Women are like mall parking spaces around Christmas...

They're all taken or handicapped.

 

[sur3fir3]

I have to agree with most of all said here however, I would send her a message. If you are serious about her you have to let her know something.....anything. Hey just thinking about you.....or something of the sort. Just like fishing you have to toss the line out. I have missed a fish and tossed the line out again and caught them. I was talking to a girl, we kinda drifted apart for a while. I tied up some loose ends with a couple old relationships, took care of a pregnancy blamed on me. Then one day I called her. We got married 6 months later and have two kids. She has followed me around the world and given me two great kids....because I made that call. (texting was not really around yet)

Ok joey I will follow your advice tomorrow and send her a text. Thanks for the support

I can't offer any advice here other than an observation of the women in my life after my wife died 20 years ago:

Women are like mall parking spaces around Christmas...

They're all taken or handicapped.

Hamz, I know exactly what you mean, but like many here have said If I dont keep trying then its really my own fault that I am alone. I may as well give it a shot for a while and see how things go.

I have to say to everyone I didn't expect nearly the amount of help you guys have given me. It really turned what would have been a bad week for me into a decent one. Instead of having only the negative I have something to look forward to, the next email or text from someone new. It really means alot to me guys.. thanks again.

 

[nikko508]

This truly is a great site, with a lot of good people.

 

[hotrodrob]

:beer::beer::beer::beer::beer:

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[Mn Monster]

This truly is a great site, with a lot of good people.

Amen to that ! one big happy family !

 

[sur3fir3]

I agree, this RC forum has one of the tightest knit groups I've seen. Whats great about it is people dont judge here, they just try to help.

 

[sur3fir3]

Well I wanted to give you guys an update. She called me today out of the blue, apologized for not getting with me for the past week, and I have a date with her again tomorrow. She said she was busy with work and has very few minutes on her phone. you guys kept me from making a bad decision and I want to say thank you. I have a 15% off code for fast eddy bearings, if he lets me donate it, I will so it can be raffled off.

 

[Rolex]

I was about to quote someone's response and then realized I'd have to quote all of them.
All excellent advise from others who have been there. Most of us have. Now we also have this forum to share what we learned the hard way.

Reading this thread was like reading "Judge Judy, Dr. Laura, Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew take your calls."

"Florida, you're on the air."
Sorry, that was Larry King. Don't take advise from someone who's been married 9 times. You KNOW it has to be HIS fault.

 

[Zdragon71]

I been married and divorced twice and really whored it up in between and before even. After the last one I've pretty much stayed single other than dating occasionally. I say i will never get married again but who knows. Someone is liable to change my mind one day but I'm not out trying to find her by no means. I have issues I'm trying to resolve with disability and care-taking of my grandmother right now so a relationship or marriage is the last thing on my plate right now. I love being single but also i dont want to die alone. Just gonna let what happens happen on its own. Also keep playing with my RCs without anyone trying to make me stop and sell them off. Lol