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A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been
tentatively named "Governmentium." Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12
assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons. These, in
turn, are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons. Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can
be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days
to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate
that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
Morass". You will know it when you see it.
heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been
tentatively named "Governmentium." Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12
assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons. These, in
turn, are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons. Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can
be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days
to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate
that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
Morass". You will know it when you see it.
