how to get out of a speeding ticket (the stupid way)

[rchpi92]

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!


[move]don't worry the last guy i beat cried too[/move]

 

[whitecat]

haha.... that's pretty funny.....
and to think I thought that talking french was a good way to get out of a ticket

 

[gutterboy]

I wish I knew that today when I got pulled over. The night before me and the ole lady was laying in bed watching the news and they came on talking about raising the tickets. At first if you got pulled over for speeding it was $110 bones, now it is $150 bones. They raised it $40 bones. Just as I was bitchin about it, I left to go to the store and got pulled over. Guess what a $150 ticket, talk about being really pissed. I was only doing 9 over. Indiana State Police man, I wished I would have told him all that stuff.

 

[Diver6127]

I got pulled over TWICE when I went to go meet Msly and Woodie out on Long Island while he was here. I got out of both tickets. The first one was because I did a slow roll through a stop sign. Mostly out of habit because I was in my neghborhood. All I did was be polite to the cop. Greated him good evening and just a bunch of "Yes officer ... sorry officer ... really officer?" you get the point. He let me off with a warning and I bid him good night.

The second time that evening was because they thought I was drunk. I was actually just trying to read the directions I got from mapquest to where Woodie was staying. I got pulled over for weaving (it was about 11:15 PM). I was polite, went through the whole yes and no officers ... Got a warning and bid him good night.

Moral of the story, being polite never got anyone in trouble with the law.

As far as speeding tickets, haven't had one of those since 1989. I have a Radar Jammer/detector from Rocky Mountain Radar. I would recomend it. They even have a ticket reimbursement program as long as you don't go over 15% of the posted speed limit AND the ticket must say RADAR or LASER as the form of detection. Planes that clock you on a measured mile don't count. There's no way to detect those. Just watch out for the white line painted across the 3 lanes of highway. That's the start of the measured mile. That's how my Dad got caught in Ohio.

 

[ImBroken]

The ole "I'm really sorry officer, but I'm about to poop myself if I dont get to a bathroom quick" sometimes works well....lol

 

[GilBeQuick]

When you get pulled over, the officer will ask you if you know why you're being pulled over. Say "No Sir, I'm sorry but I don't."
He'll then tell you that you were speeding and ask you if you know how fast you were going. Whatever you do don't tell him how fast you were going. What he is trying to do is get you to admit guilt. If you admit you were speeding then his case is closed and you're screwed.
If he clocks you with his radar/laser gun, ask to see the recorded speed, and then ask to see his calibration papers for his radar/laser gun.
Every so often their equiptment has to be calibrated to be assured of accuracy. If theirs is out of date then you're out of the ticket.
Above all, as stated above, be extremely polite and respectfull. Answer EVERYTHING with "Yes Sir" and "No Sir" and that goes a very long way. Ya gotta remember, they're just doing their job.
Most cops have been around long enough to have heard every BS excuse in the book, so don't try to BS them too bad because that's just asking for the ticket!

 

[whitecat]

Has anyone seen the "family guy" method of getting out of a ticket where peter pulls up his shirt and shows his nipple to the officer?.... does not work on straight cops apparently
still... pretty damn funny

 

[Road Rage]

Originally posted by whitecat
Has anyone seen the "family guy" method of getting out of a ticket where peter pulls up his shirt and shows his nipple to the officer?.... does not work on straight cops apparently
still... pretty damn funny

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!! Peter rocks! I watch Family Guy every night before bed.

 

[Alan_UK]

Originally posted by GilBeQuick
He'll then tell you that you were speeding and ask you if you know how fast you were going. Whatever you do don't tell him how fast you were going. What he is trying to do is get you to admit guilt. If you admit you were speeding then his case is closed and you're screwed.

It must work differently over there in the US, because I got pulled for speeding in my car (in the UK) and the officer asked if I knew how fast I was going. I was just about to reply "I don't know" and he warned me that if I say I don't know then I can be charged with driving without paying due care and attention.
I didn't get charged with anything in the end because he was on his own and had no proper speed equipment, just the speedo' in his car. :

Al

 

[SkyMaxx]

Things certainly are different over in Europe and the UK. There you have laws that include things like "due care and attention." Here people drive without a clue almost constantly and we can't keep them off the roads to save anyone's lives.

For instance, women putting make-up on and driving. People who pay more attention to their cell phone conversation than their driving. People more worried about tuning up their radio or which CD they are listening to than their driving. They end up in accidents...and then sit there and have the audacity to ask "why me?"

BTW, sounds like you got lucky.

 

[Razor]

how to get out of any troubling situation almost immediatly :


.45 to the face.

 

[GilBeQuick]

Originally posted by Razor
how to get out of any troubling situation almost immediatly :


.45 to the face.

You're either drunk or an idiot. I'm hoping you're drunk.

 

[Razor]

no, dude. it works, i do it all the time, they get smar with me *BLAM* i pop a cap up in their left eyeball and they let me go. you should *really* try it.:doc:

 

[mcvickj]

The easiest way to get out of a speeding ticket is to not speed. . I have had my license for 6 years and I have only been pulled over once. The cop wanted to let me know that my left turn signal bulb was burnt out.

 

[newnitrofan]

I have always taken my keys out of the ignition put my hands at ten and two. This relaxes the police officer and lets them know you aren't going to run and of course the yes sir no sir thing works well also.

 

[Walkman2003]

HAHAH i got to try that that Funny

 

[Razor]

cop killa.

 

[bkunar5356]

the thing about asking to see the speed on the radar gun isnt true though. yes they do need to be calibrated but no they legally by *OHIO* law do not have to show you the radar gun. i dont know about anywhere else though. normally they keep the equipment up to date too. there is other ways of getting your soeed other than radar so even if they would legally have to show you radar that doesn't always work

:nuke: :constipat :nuke:
sorry i had to lol

 

[scottm]

I suppose a really stupid way would be to offer to let him give you a polish breathalizer :OMG: :burp: uke:

 

[rptorman]

I was sitting at home one evening and my wife was at work. She called me and told me she was in labor. So I go to pick her up to take her to the hospital. On my way I get pulled over for speeding. Sure enough the cop asks me, where's the fire? I tell him the old, my wife is in labor story which I'm sure he's heard about a million times. Guess what. I got the ticket anyway. After it was said and done I just had to laugh at the whole thing. Kind of funny, I'm probably the only one who ever used that story when it was the truth. Moral of the story? I'll charge my son for the ticket.