wife from hell

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chuck3

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WIFE FROM HELL

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out a second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit fitted in the car he had just pulled over, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

I love this part........... :





'Only when he's been drinking.'
 

slowngreen

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LMAO!!! i had to read the second to last line again to get it but thats funny.
 

alpinehyperlite

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Yay, finaly one not at the cops expense!!!!
 

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when i started reading i thought it was like the old guy speeding joke. here it is
A cop pulls over a car for going 95 mph.
He says " Do you know what the speed limit is".
An old guy replies " yeah it's 95".
The cop says " No thats the highway"
The cop see's the old mans wife and her sister in the back seat panting and clutching the seat.
He says " what happened to them"
the old guy replies "we just got off highway 295"
 

alpinehyperlite

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Been told that one a few times, still a classic.
 

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well i had to say a joke and that was the only clean joke i could post on here.
 

olds97_lss

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My contribution, one that always makes me chuckle when I read it:

Doing 120 in a 65, he knew he was in trouble when the cop pulled in behind him with the rooflights on figuring he could just lose the cop he floored the ferrari. 130, 140, 150 and still the copwas right on his tail. 170, 180, still could not ditch the cop. Giving up he pulled over.the cop approached the car," give me one damn good reason why i shouldn't give you the biggest ticket this world has ever seen""well, he stated, " just last week my wife ran off with a cop.""so what!!!" the cop screamed. "i thought you were trying to bring her back."
 

alpinehyperlite

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Old drunk guy passed out behind the wheel. Trooper walked up to the window, knocked and shined his flashlight in. Old man woke up, freaked out, and stepped on the gas. Tires were spinning uselessly in the mud. Trooper decided to screw with him, and began running in place next to the car. Old man screamed as the speedometer hit 65. Trooper knocked on window again. Old man put the car in park, stepped out and surrendered. Never figured out how the trooper kept up with him on foot at 65mph.
 

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