joke of the day

[newviennajj]

A mother and her 5 year old son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked.

“If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby plane?” The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, told her son to ask the stewardees.

So the boy walks to the galley and asks the stewardees, ““If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby plane?”

The stewardees responded, “Did your mother tell you to ask me?” The boy said, “Yes, she did…….

“Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you..”

 

[newviennajj]

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for talks on sanctions. When Bill sits down he notices Saddam's chair has three buttons on the arm rest. They begin talking but after 5 minutes Saddam presses a button and a boxing glove pops out of Clinton's chair and bashes him in the face. Clinton, barely believing it, carries on talking but after a few minutes Saddam presses a second button and out comes a large boot and kicks him in the groin. Clinton is pissed off but still remains outwardly calm. They resume the talks, but after 5 minutes Saddam presses the final button and from under the table another boxing glove hits Clinton, right in the groin. Clinton is really fed up by it now and stands up to leave. "We'll continue this talk next week in the White House" says the President.


Saddam, choking from laughing, is too proud to say no, so the appointment stands.


A week later Clinton receives Saddam in the Oval Office, and as Saddam sits down, he sees three buttons in the arm-rest of Clinton's chair. As the meeting goes on, Saddam sees Clinton press the first button, and ducks, but nothing happens. This doesn't stop Clinton from laughing... really loudly. After this, Clinton continues where he left off, until he presses another button. Saddam jumps up and again nothing happens, this time Clinton falls out of his chair laughing. Saddam doesn't get it - what the hell is happening here? But he hasn't been harmed yet, so he sits down again to talk further. After a few minutes Clinton presses the final button. This time, Saddam stays sitting, but Clinton isn't, he's rolling on the floor, doubled up from laughing. Saddam is really annoyed by now, so he stands up from his chair and shouts: "I've had enough of this, I'm going back to Baghdad"


(Through tears of laughter from the floor);


"Baghdad?.....what Baghdad?

 

[insaneatvs]

Old but still funny

 

[slowngreen]

LMOA!!! i really liked the first one!

 

[digger]

I'll bet that stewardess is smart enough not to have to run laps around the house in her underwear.

 

[newviennajj]

A young man named John received a parrot as an early Christmas gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and shoved him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arm and said ‘I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour’.

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued…. ……..’May I enquire as to what the turkey did?’

Happy Christmas!

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.

"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened." :whhooo:

 

[Xiris]

Loved It!! Keep them coming.

-Mark

 

[Suicide]

i have an old one
Why'd the chicken cross the road
Cause he was running from Colonel Sanders


Slappin' my knee
Yee-hah

 

[newviennajj]

A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 am. His wife is sleeping and he's trying to sneak into bed. He's lying in bed for a few minutes and farts.

His wife wakes up and asks, "What in the world was that?"

He replies, "Touchdown - I'm winning, 7 nothing."

She thinks to herself, "I'm gonna fix him." Then she lets one loose.

He yells at her, "What was that?"

She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."

Now he thinks, "I'm gonna give her a doozy." He's lying there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he craps in bed.

The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"

He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."