For New Yorkers

[Rolex]

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Upstate New York

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights a year because Saranac Lake is the coldest spot in the nation, and Syracuse gets more snow than any other major city in the US, you might live in Upstate, NY.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from October through May, you might live in Upstate New York.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live, bundled up, in Upstate New York.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Upstate NY.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Upstate New York.

If you have worn shorts and a parka on the same day, you might live in Upstate New York.

If you have had a lengthy phone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Upstate New York.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE UPSTATE NEW YORKER WHEN:

"Vacation" means going South past Syracuse for the weekend.

You measure distance in hours.

You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.

You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

Down South to you means Corning.

Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed!

You go out for a fish fry every Friday.

Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."

You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Upstate New York friends and to those who used to live here and left.

 

[chuck3]

I've seen the same setup for montanans ecxept for all of the "going south" stuff.

its good to see that this stuff is true in more than one place.

 

[retarded pilot]

i see quite a few of them fitting Michigan,

"You measure distance in hours."

this totally fits southern California, (L.A.) where i grew up & lived till about 8 years ago. i lived 1 hour from the city of angels

 

[Timmahh]

that not NY its Michigan!

as long as we can drink beer, ice fishing IS a sport!

our region make national news cuz of shootings, usually due to not enough Beer being consumed. Proud, ehh maybe. lol

our DQ dont close anymore, they upgraded to fast food too now.

we dont walk like penguins. we lounge like Bears, With Beers!

not only will a michigander help out at HD and Lowes, but well also ring them out and pocket the money. IF they are spending money they MUST NOT be from instate. lol

Dads tan stops at the waiste. whiter than a ghost waiste down, but damn near well done brown waist up. lol

when we get wrong numbers one of two things happens. we hang up on you,
Or have phone sex. and we drink beer when doing either. only need one hand to drink you know. lol

and going south on vacation means going Thru Ohio, so we dont bother! staying home and drinking a beer is better than going thru Ohio on any day.

Distance is ofcourse measured the only way for it to be measured. by how many beers you can down between point A and point B. the farther the better.

we dont only hit deer, we skin them, gut them, cut them up and freeze them. except the loins, they get the onion/butter/mushroom treatment immedieatly. this is also a weekly community social event too.

we use AC for .5 months a yr. end of july to mid aug. it usuallly consistes of one of 2 things, 50/50 AC, which is driving the car 50 mph with all the windows down (about 1/2 of them that work) and 1/2 a case of cold beer,
OR we stick 2 fans to blow the cool air off the beer coolers.

were like the post man, we ll get thru ANY weather conditions, as long as its for more Beer or Tang.

our security lights are 36000 CP LCDs, conviently taped to our assault rifles and sawed off shotguns as to not interfer with reloading, or aiming, or drinking beer. our doors are always open. Comeon over for a Beer. Just call first!

jumper cables are two fold, they work on the cars as well as in the Bedrooms. and yes, the women are trained at 15 how to use them properly in both situations.
Need a Jump?

holloweens the same here.

only 2 seasons. snow/construction, and 85 is the speedlimit regardless of which it is.

our driving in winter is better becuz we use snowmobiles to go get our beer!

we can even identify South American Accents, Southern accents, European accents, Massachuttes accents, New Yorkers accents, and even Canadian accents. Oh and Middle Eastern accents as they own alll the stores that we buy our beer at, or are our Drs.

again Down South means Ohio, see previous post on Ohio.

hell we have partys cuz the suns out or the wind changed directions. any reason is a good reason for a party, cuz a party means , yup, you guessed it, Beer.

love fresh lake fried Perch, YUM YUM!!!!

Tornados move our 4th inside.

we dont own snowblowers, we have snowmachines. faster and funner to work with. Plus you can't ride your snowthrower to the store for more beer.

here we find -10 a lil chilly, plus 10 is damn near shorts weather. time to bar B Q at the least. Who Needs a Beer?

we understand and improve things like this, but usually dont care cuz we re drinking beer.

T

 

[Rolex]

Had some people from Denver visit several years ago, and naturally they wanted a tour of New York City. When they asked how far it was, I said, "Half hour to 45 minutes, depending on traffic. They had NEVER heard distance described that way before.
40 minutes later, we were in mid-town Manhattan. They timed it.

 

[Candyman]

Soooooo......what's your point????

 

[beason]

Had some people from Denver visit several years ago, and naturally they wanted a tour of New York City. When they asked how far it was, I said, "Half hour to 45 minutes, depending on traffic. They had NEVER heard distance described that way before.
40 minutes later, we were in mid-town Manhattan. They timed it.

its the same way around here, you can't tell someone "its about 20 miles" because 18 of that could be sitting in traffic doing 1mph...

Houston has it own set of rules for the road, and its not if you will hit traffic its when and how bad.

oh and construction season is year around....




1. First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is YEWS-TUN and it does not matter how people pronounce it in other places.

2. Forget all traffic rules that you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own version of traffic laws: Hold on and pray! And don't let the news casts mislead you...there is no such thing as a dangerous, high-speed chase in Houston! We all drive like that. You have to in order to stay out of "their" way. Never forget that downtown Houston is composed entirely of one-way streets. The only way to get out of center of town is to turn around and start over when you reach Dallas, Texas.

3. All directions start with, "Go down Westheimer..." or "Go down to the 610 Loop," which, by the way, has no beginning and no end.

4. Westheimer has no beginning and no end.

5. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic drive".

6. The 8am rush hour is from 6:30 to 9:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is from 3:30 to 6:30pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

7. If you actually stop at a yellow traffic light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and/or possibly shot. When yours is the first car at a traffic light when it turns green, do not proceed until you count to five; this will help you avoid getting hit by all those who are running the cross-traffic's red light

8. Reversible lanes are not understood by anybody.

9. Kuykendahl Road can only be pronounced by a native, so do not attempt the phonetic pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.

10. The falling of one raindrop or (God forbid) one snowflake causes all traffic to immediately cease; so will daylight savings time and a girl applying eye shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over.

11. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

12. Many bizarre sights can be explained simply by uttering the phrase, "Oh, we're in Montrose!!"

13. Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.

14. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it was probably left on at the factory where the car was made.

15. Understand that the 95 lb. woman driving the Ford Excursion (the largest vehicle ever produced) absolutely MUST come to a complete stop, and then proceed at 2.5 mph over any railroad track. What's the deal? This vehicle was built to invade small countries, and she's worried about therailroad tracks!!!

16. All ladies with blue hair who drive Cadillacs or Lincoln Continentals have the right of way.

17. The above-mentioned blue haired ladies also have a legal right to turn right from a left lane or to turn left from a right lane. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

18. White haired men driving red or silver sports cars will not obey any known traffic rule and cannot be expected to stop for red lights or stop signs.

19. Buying a Houston street map is a waste of money since there is absolutely no way that you can route yourself in such a manner as to avoid major road construction.

20. Buying a Houston street map is a redundant waste of money since the termination or continuation of any street is entirely at the discretion of the Streets Department of the City. It has been determined that the length of any street on any given day is a mystery known only to "Higher Powers" in the department, and it is rumored that they do not speak to mere mortals.

21. Asking directions will help you get acquainted with the numerous recent residents of an amazing ethnic diversity. It will be not help at all for finding the address you seek.

23. Houston natives are so rare that they are listed on the endangered species list. The few remaining specimens are kept in a controlled environment for their own safety.

24. "Sir" and Ma'am" are used by the person speaking to you if there's a remote possibility that you're at least 30 minutes older than they are. You can safely address anyone as "Sir" or "Ma'am" in Houston as in other southern cities.

25. "Sugar" is a more common form of address than "Miss". So is "Honey". Do not take offence. This is how southerners address grown women.

26. In Houston we drink Coca Cola and Dr. Pepper. It is rumored that other soft drinks are sold here, but no one will admit to knowing anyone who actually drinks them. So don't ask for any other soft drink.

27. What you need to know when arriving at Bush Intercontinental Airport: your arrival gate is at least 32 miles away from the Main Concourse of any terminal. Walking heels on your boots or walking shoes are advised.

28. Wherever you are going will be on the other side of town. When attempting to cross Houston, assume the trip will take a minimum of 4 hours and can take as long as 24 hours.

29. If attempting to cross Houston via the freeway system, it is advisable to carry a supply of Coca Cola, water, a few sandwiches, and something to read while waiting on the freeway for the traffic jam to clear. Some moderately fast readers have been known to read a 1,000 page novel during the course of one traffic jam. If attempting to cross Houston during rush hour, additional provisions are advisable.

30. Never get on a Houston freeway without taking a restroom break first! It may be a long time to the next break.

31. Never honk your horn at another car in Houston traffic. The bumper sticker that reads, "Keep honking, I'm reloading" is considered fair warning.

32. Every major road has two names (i.e., I-45 South is Gulf Freeway , but I-45 north is North Freeway ; US 59 south is Southwest Freeway and I-59 north is Eastex Frwy ; I-10 West is Katy Freeway ; 290 is Northwest Frwy ). That is so newcomers won't be able to determine where the wrecks and the slick, rainy roads are, even after they hear the traffic and weather reports.

33. The minimum acceptable speed on the 610 Loop is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy. Beltway 8 has no limits; it's where the professionals come to practice for NASCAR.

34. If you are in the left lane and going only 70 in a 55 mph zone, those people are not waving when they go by.

35. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next week

 

[Rolex]

Soooooo......what's your point????

Just what I was waiting for. A comment from the man from SYRACUSE !!!! LMAO !!!!

 

[Candyman]

Sadly, all those are almost dead on.

Did you know we have the worlds biggest snowplow? The blade is 32 feet, 3 inches wide. They use it to plow the runway at the airport. And we do get more snowfall than any other city with a population over 100,000 in the country? And did you know that it's so gloomy and gray here in the winter that I often dream of kicking the windows out of my 7th floor office and just jumping? But I'd probably land in one of our 10 foot snowdrifts and survive...

 

[Rolex]

I'd probably land in one of our 10 foot snowdrifts and survive...

LMAO. How true. It's the endless winter that made me move to sunny Tennessee. There were so many winters where you never saw a glimmer of sunshine for 2 or 3 months at a time. Just gray and dreary skies. It sure can get you down.
Sunshine....Give me sunshine. And more cowbell.

 

[evilgrin]

Sadly, all those are almost dead on.

Did you know we have the worlds biggest snowplow? The blade is 32 feet, 3 inches wide. They use it to plow the runway at the airport. And we do get more snowfall than any other city with a population over 100,000 in the country? And did you know that it's so gloomy and gray here in the winter that I often dream of kicking the windows out of my 7th floor office and just jumping? But I'd probably land in one of our 10 foot snowdrifts and survive...

ten foot drifts must be global warming I remember them being closer to twenty, had a 3rd floor dorm room couldn't see out the window for a few weeks but it did help to keep the beers cold :yes:

 

[chuck3]

as long as the beers cold, who cares?

 

[bentover]

As for the New York piece, there's one line that should be added; If there is a loud explosion or quite possible someone lighting a firecracker and people pour into the streets screaming "we've been hit again!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!!"......and CNN cameras show up, you might be in New York.

 

[retarded pilot]

As for the New York piece, there's one line that should be added; If there is a loud explosion or quite possible someone lighting a firecracker and people pour into the streets screaming "we've been hit again!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!!"......and CNN cameras show up, you might be in New York.

i for one do not find that funny at all

 

[Timmahh]

damn, CL10, thats just up the road about 45 mins?

you race at the clio track there in Clio? ever make it to the track at Bandit in Scagnasty?

T