Does anybody else deal with this?

[Bryson]

This is pretty much the reason me and my ex broke up. She said I loved my dirt bike, RC's, and fishing more then her. Its true, specially because I just got my new dirt bike when we started going out, and it added up, but o well. You just have to find the equalibrum(spelling) and divide you time equally on your priorities.

bryson

 

[godale03]

Hey Bryson,

At least you were man enough to admint what was important to you at the time.

My RC's and the time I spend with them will never be more important to me than my family... but my wife needs to understand that it is important to me and something I hold dear. She likes to scrapbook, and she was on me to help her get the spare bedroom in order so she could use it as her scrapbooking room. Well I helped her and the room is done.... but she never goes in there to scrapbook. She would rather work than go in there and scrapbook for a few hours and relax. So other than that she has no hobbies... that I know of anyway.

 

[sweetdiesel]

It has nothing to do with being man enough. You got married and now you have a kid and another on the way. There will NEVER be equilibrium or being able to divide time equally....ever. Sorry to break it to ya but kids take a lot of time and energy, and so does having a successful and happy marriage. Making sacrifices of "me" time will pay big dividends in the long run.

 

[godale03]

It has nothing to do with being man enough. You got married and now you have a kid and another on the way. There will NEVER be equilibrium or being able to divide time equally....ever. Sorry to break it to ya but kids take a lot of time and energy, and so does having a successful and happy marriage. Making sacrifices of "me" time will pay big dividends in the long run.

Hey SweetD... I think I may have been misunderstood in my comment. When I was saying that Bryson was man enough... wasn't suggesting that I was not man enough to tell her what was important to me. I completely understand the sacrifice and am more than willing to make it. I just meant it took alot for Bryson to admit the truth and not string is girlfriend along. I would gladly give up RC time to spend time with my wife and my family. Nothing will ever be more important. Sure I will miss the RC time and am sure will have selfish moments where I will want to be racing, but by no means would I ever jepardize my relationship over it. I just didn't want you to think that my comment was at all a statment of my wish to tell my wife "how I really feel". Sorry if I was missleading. You are very very right. The sacrifice is real, and worth it.

Tom

 

[Timmahh]

marriage is a give and take, unfortunatly most women Misunderstand, OR just plane dont give two shits about the "GIVE" side of it.

i think its a flaw in their genetics caused by the estrogen in their systems.
T

 

[Candyman]

The reality is that in the grand scheme of things, RC won't come first. But it's nice to have someone who understands that you need it to get things out of your system sometimes. I'm lucky to have a fiancee who gets it. As a matter of fact, we're looking at houses right now and she has already told me it's critical that I have enough room for my shop. No shop, no house. That rules.

 

[godale03]

LOL... you must not be married... or are now divorced. My wife would kill me for saying that! LOL

Like SweetD said.... RC is something I may have to put on the back burner for a while... not give up... just kinda put in hibernation. The time will come back again... This is just a new chapter in my life.

The reality is that in the grand scheme of things, RC won't come first. But it's nice to have someone who understands that you need it to get things out of your system sometimes. I'm lucky to have a fiancee who gets it. As a matter of fact, we're looking at houses right now and she has already told me it's critical that I have enough room for my shop. No shop, no house. That rules.

See I married a doctor too..... I wish she had that attitude. She told me the other day that work should always come first. The problem is... there is always work to do. That whole side of the family is got some weird work ethic... I guess they have never heard the saying "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

 

[robmob]

Luckily my kids are older and my wife does understand my need to be with friends to race. We give and take and she gets to have time with her friends regularly. It does help that on all day Saturday races I take my son to race as well. I even get to go most every Weds evening to race mini-z's. It really makes me feel like I have a set in my sack. Unfortunately, it is just a feeling since they are still on the mantle in a glass jar.

For the record, "All work and no play makes Jack a pissed-off and bitter individual".

 

[jetmechG550]

Man, I won't tell ya how good I have it, don't want to piss ya off. I pretty much race every weekend. During the winter indoor season it drops to about every other but... My wife is very understanding. Sometimes they come along with me during weekend long events but that's rare. I don't cap anything she does, nor do I tell her she can't spend money on anything and she does the same. We have it pretty good.

 

[godale03]

Jet... you and Rob, and FastEddy... have it the best out of anybody here. IMO... I am jealous! LOL You guys seem to get to race any and every time you want to. You guys suck! JK

The truth is I would walk away from RC all together right this second if she asked me to, but thankfully she hasn't asked. So how to you guys do it? Did you have some sort of prenup before you got married, saying that you guys got to race or the wedding was off? I mean the only thing I would like to get my wife to understand is that this is something I enjoy. I understand I have to make sacrifices and compromise, but she seems to think that if I get to race one day a month it is enough to satisfy my jones, and a justifies a compromise. I disagree. I just can't find a way to justify it to her. She sees it as playing with toys, and just won't see it any other way. Certainly there has to be someone out there in RCNT land that has had the same issues. I mean I know once I got married I gave up my manhood, so I know I would never "tell my bi**h to step off" for fear of death, that and I respect her enough to never speak to her like that. So I don't think many of you other married guys out there would be any different. At least I hope nobody treats their wives/girlfriends like that. I just need to come up with a legitimate way to explain to her that I need to work out with her a way to get just a bit more time to enjoy my hobby. Someway to get her to understand that this is part of what makes life enjoyable for me.. not the only thing, just one of many things, including sharing my life with her, which is the most important.

I don't know... maybe at this point I am just whining and pissing people off. It is just that I am at the verge of having to give up the hobby I love so much that was a part of my life before I met my wife. I love her enough to do that, and am prepared... I just don't want to have to. There has to be away. I have tried everything, from using the money I spend on this stuff I should be out there using it... didn't work. I have tried pleading with her compassion... didn't work, I have begged and pleaded for a compromise we could both agree on... nothing. I work full time, go to school at night, and I thought I was being a good husband and father.... of course last Monday morning at 530am I found out otherwise... being woken up from a dead sleep to hear how bad things are. Pregnacy hormones?

 

[robmob]

Until your wife gives birth, she will be subject to irrational behavior and mood swings. Your only option is to lay low and be a, “Yes Dear” during pregnancy. Any attempt by you to try and reach a compromise at this point in time will be met with the good ole, “you don’t love me anymore blah blah blah”. Suck it up and move on. This point in your life is only a brief moment in time. You will be able to race and gain more freedom in due time after the baby comes. My kids are 10 and 8 and I believe Jet’s kids are about the same. Ed’s doesn’t have any kids except for the ones he drops off at the pool so he doesn’t even count. SD is the man to listen to. He is, and has been going through a similar situation.

My advice is to use the situation to your advantage. Tell her you need VRC in order to quench your thirst to race since you are unable to do the real thing. :green-grin:

Good luck and remember, it will get better.

 

[TalonOne]

I will say it again....BALANCE......give and take......There never be an either or situation. Put your foot down....gently and explain to her this IS going to happen....now how do we make it work for everyone involved??

Make sure she knows her hobbies and interests are on the table as well....make the compromise fair for all......your whole marriage will be better off.



And yea now you are just whining.....

 

[Bryson]

And yea now you are just whining.....

Wow thats a harsh one man! lol

And ya lol, she always said you spend more time working on that motorcycle then spending time with me, which is ironic because she could never leave her house becuase of her stuck up dad lol. Your situation just sounds like something that will work out with time, and paitients(spelling again i suck at it).

Bryson

 

[TalonOne]

Not being harsh.....its just "WELCOME TO LIFE" sort of stuff.

 

[FastEddy]

Just go get the damn thing and deal with her when she asks.
can't take it back one its open.

Whats she going to do ground you?
Listen to her bitch about it for a day or so and its over.

Or

Go for the big diversion. Stop at home in a Corvette convertible you you just so happen to be test driving and stopped at home to get her opinion on before you got it.

The game will be a welcome compromise even for a hormonally charged pregnant wife.

 

[jetmechG550]

My wife and I have always been open and up front with each other. When we started dating (in college) I was still hunting (bowhunting) a lot. I had my class schedule set up to where I only had classes on tuesday and thursday so I could hunt 5 days a week during the seasons. She was well aware of that as we dated and she never stopped me. After we got married we no longer lived near my hunting grounds (several states away) so my getting out as much as I could turned into once or maybe twice a year. My daughter was due at the beginning of the season and since then I have not been in the woods. I picked up rc'ing while on a trip for work, which is another thing she is cool with, the amount of travel I have to do for my job. Between both of us, we just have an understanding that we need to do our own things to keep our relationship healthy. I am pretty heavily involved in our club too. Although I pretty much go whenever I want, I reserve days for them or just out of the blue take them somewhere.


Sorry for the long read, you want her to call your wife for some tips! LOL

 

[digger]

Looks like I checked in just in time...

Grow some balls bro!
(j/k)


I do anything I want, whenever I want!
My advice would be just tell her you are going. If she doesn't like it, too bad.

Hold up... I'm divorced. Maybe better not take that advice.

Serious though. Been with the same woman for 17 years. (still not married)
Probably said it before, but she let's me go anywhere I want as long as I don't go out of the yard.

She will go to the field with me, video tape my aircraft. Never said much if I wanted to buy something. Be some questions every once in a while. Nothing serious most of the time.
She has even took me to the strip club and picked me up a few hours later.

Still a lot of compromises.
She has been wanting to go to Franklin, NC...
I hate it, but I had a little vacation and now it's her turn. Give and take. We leave next week. Sux, but I'm going to have a good time. Even if it is sitting in the only motel in town drinking on a brew..

Be times she might tell ya to go to the races, because she doesn't want to look at ya.
It'll work out. Be patient.

 

[godale03]

Thanks for listening guys and offering up your advice. It does help.

I think my wife and I communicate pretty well, but there are things we need to improve on, both on my end and her end. We seem to be able to work through the problems we run across. The RC thing and the fact she wants me to be more assertive to the home improvements she wants done seem to be the only sticking points. Just can't seem to get over them. It seems as if no matter how hard I try, we always seem to argue over this. We will have an argument over this, things will seem to be better for a couple of weeks and then just like always, we end up right back where we left off. I guess like you guys said... I just need to be patient, calm, and understanding.... and willing to set the radio down for long periods, knowing that someday I will return.


Hey Ed... I would love to try the Corvette deal... except they don't alow you to test drive a Corvette until you have signed the paperwork and ponied up the huge stack of cash they require for a down payment.... I have tried.

I may end up with VRC... we shall see, Christmas is comming. It would be nice to be able to actully race with you guys, whom most I will never get to meet for a race in person.

 

[jetmechG550]

Behind every good rc racer there's a long list of Honey Do's waiting to be done!






They wait until winter or a rainy day!

 

[FastEddy]

Behind every good rc racer there's a long list of Honey Do's waiting to be done!

No poop!