The International Rules of Manhood

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FastEddy

The Slowest Guy In Town
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Just a reminder, We all know these rules but I thought I would remind you.
Beason, thuthseeker and the rest of the Texas click... Please read this twice...

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

2. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... And it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
not both, that's just greedy.

19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
carnal, drunken, monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to
drive yours.

26. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
 
Awesome, Eddy!!!

The only one I disagree with is #7. Heck, you guy s do it all the time here onthe forum!
 
LMFAO these are great Eddy.
 
I copied them to a Word document, did a little formatting magic and printed them off for my wife!

Geez, I laughed so hard! Awesome stuff!
 
Eddy, does number 26 apply to pants? LOL If so, then you need to get rid of your lime green pants!!
 
i have a question about #5. is it ok if it's your own sister?
 
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhaaroflmfao!!!!!!!
 
FastEddy said:
...
10. .... If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

"Dutch Oven."

A word of caution here though, baking your wife/gf in the Dutch Oven may guarantee you never have the privilege of experiencing 2-e.
 
truthseeker said:
i have a question about #5. is it ok if it's your own sister?
Why? Are you banging your sister?
 
nah, i'm an only child. i was actually asking for beason. he was just too afraid to ask himself. i don't see why. i mean, it's only a question, right? i'm sure he was just curious.
 
NCNitro said:
If a husband and wife from Texas get a divorce...................are they still brother and sister? :ponder2:

LMFAO, I guess that's another question you can ask beason.
 
he's from Arkansas, you know. maybe that's why he was wondering. :shrug:
 
LMAO!!! Some of you just aint right LOL
 
it's ok. he's comfortable with his heritage.
 
i hope so....for her sake..... them Arkansasians can get violent sometimes.
 
Did you know that the tooth brush was invented in Arkansas?........................


Because had it been invented anywhere else it would have been called a teeth brush!
 
NCNitro said:
Did you know that the tooth brush was invented in Arkansas?........................


Because had it been invented anywhere else it would have been called a teeth brush!

LMAO...I have no words for that!
 
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