SMaxxin
SLAP YA MAMA
Supporter
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket
Taser" for their anniversary.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked
my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for
a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
100,000-volt,
pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be
short lived,
with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her
adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
pressed it against a
metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity
darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have
yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,. right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit
I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better
of it.
She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my
wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it
would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a
tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose,
directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second
burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst
would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish
out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with
two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!" What
happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to
one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give
myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my
naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS
DESTRUCTION,
@!@$$!%!@*!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked
me up in the recliner, and then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing
sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself,
"Do it again, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
yourself.
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by
a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be
considered conservative. SON-OF-A-.. That hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later
(I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my
wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent
reading glasses
were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My
triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like
it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm
still looking
for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe
return.
This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket
Taser" for their anniversary.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked
my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for
a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
100,000-volt,
pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be
short lived,
with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her
adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
pressed it against a
metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity
darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have
yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,. right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit
I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better
of it.
She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my
wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it
would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a
tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose,
directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second
burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst
would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish
out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with
two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!" What
happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to
one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give
myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my
naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS
DESTRUCTION,
@!@$$!%!@*!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked
me up in the recliner, and then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing
sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself,
"Do it again, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
yourself.
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by
a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be
considered conservative. SON-OF-A-.. That hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later
(I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my
wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent
reading glasses
were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My
triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like
it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm
still looking
for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe
return.
