Letter from home...

[Rolex]

Dearest Redneck Son,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.


This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.


The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days..


About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it wouldbe too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.


Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.


Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.


Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.


Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!


There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.


Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom

 

[frickenjoey]

Nice I have seen a few of those...I liked the Redneck Army letter home too...

 

[hamz9561]

Have you been talking to qaart, Rolex? That's just too funny.

 

[Rolex]

I'm pretty sure both letters were to or from digger.

 

[digger]

I'm pretty sure both letters were to or from digger.

LMAO Rolex. Glad to see ya still ragging on the "goofy hillbilly." Even if I'm not around much anymore. Hope everything is going well with you my friend. Glad I did check in tonight, I needed a laugh. Had seen that before, but the one I read was from Tennessee.

Probably have to 'splain that washing machine thing to some of the younger guys. Before my time too. I can member the outhouses, but by the time indoor plumbing came around and we could afford it, there was a handle on the side of the tank.

Here's a few more:

Why do rednecks like the doggie position?
That way they can both watch wrestling

What do rednecks call ductape?
Chrome.

Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it till she's fourteen.

What's the most popular pick up line in Arkansas? Nice tooth!
Best pick-up line in Kentucky? "Hey, you don't sweat much for a fat broad."

How do you know when your staying in an Arkansas hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says "go ahead."

I was traveling through south Georgia yesterday and noticed a lot of signs saying "pecans ahead." Wouldn't "restrooms ahead" be more appropriate? (Took me a few times reading that one to get it)

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

I just received Alabama's new state quarter. It is two dimes and a nickel taped together.


Not trying to leave ya out Rolex...

Research had been going on for many years as to the invention of the toothbrush. Researchers knew the purpose of the device, but wanted to know and acknowledge the originating location.

After a very long and exasperating study the researchers came to their conclusion as to the origin of the toothbrush. It was decided that the brush was invented in Tennessee.

Intrigued with the discovery, the researchers were asked by the media how they came to the conclusion. They all agree it was simple deduction, "If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush."


Why do folks from Tennessee go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
17 and under are not admitted.

In the mountains of Tennessee there is a gaunt hillbilly who is still untouched by the complexities of modern economics. He depends on the nearby river and forest for his fish and meat, grows a few vegetables, and drinks spring water. A neighbor visited him recently and urged him to wise up, move to a city and get a job in a factory that was paying high wages.

"You ain't getting anywhere just staying here where you was born, doin' nothin'," the neighbor said.

"Ain't gettin' nowhere?" the hillbilly exclaimed. "I wouldn't say that! When my pappy died and left me, I didn't have nothin'. But look at me now. I got nine dogs!"

Did you hear that the Governors mansion in Tennessee burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.

What do they call "Hee Haw" in Arkansas?
A documentary.

What do they call it in Tennessee?
"Life Styles of the Rich and Famous."

 

[HPIguy]

LMAO that's some funny stuff.


What's an Alabama girl say as she's losing her virginity?
Get off me daddy you're crushing my cigarettes

 

[hamz9561]

Great stuff!

 

[Rolex]

LMFAO!! Good to see you stopping by, digger. Just in time.

 

[hamz9561]

It could have been a drive-by if he remembered to bring his jumper cables.

 

[digger]

LMFAO!! Good to see you stopping by, digger. Just in time.

Glad us hillbilly's bring a smile to your face.