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El Pirata

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2nd Star to the Right
RC Driving Style
  1. Bashing
Good Questions?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

Why ARE Trix only for kids?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

>>>>>>>>>>>

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night, trying to impress each other about how tough they are.

The first mouse throws down a shot of bourbon, slams the empty glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."

The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila, drinks them down one after the other, slams both glasses onto the bar, turns to the first mouse and replies, "Oh yeah? When I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse finishes the beer he has in front of him, lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bs. "Gotta go home and have sex with the cat."

>>>>>>>>

A man left work on Friday afternoon, but instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade of his actions.

Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied, "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

>>>>>>>>>

Football season!!

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game."Oh, I really liked it," she said, "but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents." "What on earth do you mean???" "Well I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was: Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"

>>>>>>>>>>>

1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
24. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
 
Why are there locks on the doors at 7-11 when there open 24h.
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways.



Good list El:classic:
 
Very good lists you 2:thumbsup: :thumbsup:
 
A few answers...

Toasters: Because my grandpa eats his toast that way...it's rather disgusting, but true.

My freezer's got a light in it.

What the heck is "cracking corn" anyways? Is it like smoking crack? Maybe it's one of those anti-drug commercials...just say no Jimmy!

Maybe - but if you sat the "stiff" up right in the passenger seat - no one would stop you...

"MY" ob-gyn? I don't have one of those personally...

Goofy's no smarter than Pluto either...go figure.
 
Actually I think Pluto is smarter than Goofy but Goofy has more class. A Goofy Movie and An Extremely Goofy Movie are definately the funniest Disney movies of the 90s.
 
Ooooo, I think I po'd the gimp! Careful his mommy might get mad!
 
Why would I entertain that when public bashing is so much more fun!!!
 
I have a reservation for two at the Holiday Inn...it's the Honeymoon Suite. You guys want it? Sounds like you need it...
 
Originally posted by matts6887
If u can't get on aim because u are chicken and dont want to do it man to man; then go back into the dark freakin sewer thats ur home useless piece of trash.
I figured you being a creative genius that you could come with some sort of bash that was a little more educated that that but I guess not.



Originally posted by matts6887
mmmmmm.....probably not quite yet; but its getting closer and closer.
yeah right, you wouldn't last 5 minutes.
 
Hey Matts, I would have thought you'd learned your lesson by now. There are people on this forum that don't particularly like you. Everytime you tick one of them off, this happens. It starts my mind working, and gets me back in the mindset to dump all over you.

Perhaps you should steer clear of Pirata. He and I share the same opinion of you, he is just now taking the time to verbalize it and publicly so...all things considered, you have really pissed him off to get him to lambaste you in this fashion.

I know that if I were in your shoes, i'd take notice of these things and perhaps learn from them. I may have told you that I wouldn't flame you openly, but that doesn't mean I won't side with and openly support those that are currently flaming you.
 
Last edited:
I realy hope that last post was not directed at me...Matts...'cause if it was...it's on!
 
Originally posted by SkyMaxx
Perhaps you should steer clear of Pirata. He and I share the same opinion of you, he is just now taking the time to verbalize it and publicly so...all things considered, you have really pissed him off to get him to lambaste you in this fashion.

I know that if I were in your shoes, i'd take notice of these things and perhaps learn from them. I may have told you that I wouldn't flame you openly, but that doesn't mean I won't side with and openly support those that are currently flaming you.

I'm not pissed off, I have not even broke a sweat. It's just too much fun letting the nice person that he is just dig the hole deeper and deeper as the dirt starts to fall in and he tries to leave like a rat from a sinking ship


Originally posted by matts6887
BS; man I would knock ur sorry face into the next world. U have no idea who I am or what I can do. Words dont mean everything anyway. Just because u dont think I could do something; ha think again; u lowlife piece of scum who has nothing better to do with their time. Take a freaking penny; go to kmart or some other dept store and buy a life because u need one if u can't do anything better than mock someone like that and then add a insult to it.
Yet another example of how you can't teach a new dog a new trick!

Originally posted by matts6887
No it wasn't. Everything is done and over with on that. I said what I had to say awhile ago and its over and done with so its just time to partially let it pass over. It was aimed at u know who.
Yeah right. You keep digging and eventually you\'ll come out on the other side, well probably not it\'ll more than likely cave in before you get to the other side.
 
Originally posted by matts6887
No it wasn't. Everything is done and over with on that. I said what I had to say awhile ago and its over and done with so its just time to partially let it pass over. It was aimed at u know who.

For your sake...that is a good thing...'cause I was about to unload on you with both barrels
 
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