Simple truths

[Rolex]

SIMPLE TRUTH #1

Lovers help each other undress before sex.

However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.


SIMPLE TRUTH # 2


When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congratulations".


But, none of them touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".


Moral of the story: Hard work is seldom appreciated.


FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE


1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Ferrari than on a bicycle.


2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastards name.


3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again. This our elected representatives need to remember more often.


4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.


5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.


AND FINALLY


Condoms don't guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

 

[MR4X4KING]

now thats some funny stuff

 

[Sixtysixdeuce]

Haha. Thanks for sharing!

Regarding #3..........

I'm of the opinion that the overwhelming majority of said representatives need to take a long walk off a short plank.

 

[chaos2767]

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Feed him
2. Sleep with him
3. Leave him with peace
4. Don't check his phone (Msgs)
5. Don't bother him with his
movements
So whats so hard about that?

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY

It's really not too difficult but..
To make a woman happy, a man only needs
to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a plumber
10. a mechanic
11. a carpenter
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments
regularly
45. Go shopping with her
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU
MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention
51. give her lots of time,
especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never
worrying about where she goes.

BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY
IMPORTANT
53. never forget
*birthdays
*anniversaries
*valentine