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fix14wd

fix14wd

RCTalk Qualifier
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Messages
174
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46
Points
660
Location
Colorado
RC Driving Style
  1. Bashing
  2. Crawling
I'm really disappointed right now. I come home from Iraq and try to make up for lost time with my kids. I get a couple r/c's so we can hang out, enjoy a new hobby, and learn a few things together. I thought everything was going pretty good over the last few weeks, but my boy comes home yesterday with some really crappy grades and ends up on restriction. I was so pissed I took him to school this morning and talked with a couple of his teachers about the missing work and poor test scores. Turns out he has some of the work done, but never turned it in. He's killing me with that simple crap. The quizes and tests he should be passing with no problems, the teachers spoon feed them the answers between the study sheets they give out and the notes he's supposed to be taking. Every night I check his planner and verify his homework is done before we break out the revo and tmaxx. Here again, simple poop. He doesn't always copy down what the teachers have WRITTEN ON THE BOARD for daily homework!!! Bad thing is, I can't tell if he really doesn't have any homework or if he just didn't write it down, I have to go on his word. So now it looks like we have a couple weeks of intense studying to get things back on track. He'd better pull it off or he'll lose the game systems and r/c's.
The saddest part about it, it's an ongoing thing this year. Every nine weeks we go through this. He does well at the beginning of the quarter, and we ease up on him a bit thinking he know's the routine, only to have to bring the hammer back down. I guess there's no letting up for the rest of the year. Playtime is aparently going to be limited to weekends.
 
Typical kid stuff. My 7 year old is only allowed to play the ps2 or wii on the weekends, same with the rcs, weekends ONLY, he doesn't even bother asking during the week anymore. I make sure he studies and does his homework every evening, his teacher sends home a homework outline every monday, that way I know exactly what he needs to do every single night, no ifs ands or buts. It's damn near a full time job trying to get kids to do whats expected of them, lol. You gotta be the dad first, then a friend, it won't work the other way around.
 
NCNitro said:
Typical kid stuff. My 7 year old is only allowed to play the ps2 or wii on the weekends, same with the rcs, weekends ONLY, he doesn't even bother asking during the week anymore. I make sure he studies and does his homework every evening, his teacher sends home a homework outline every monday, that way I know exactly what he needs to do every single night, no ifs ands or buts. It's damn near a full time job trying to get kids to do whats expected of them, lol. You gotta be the dad first, then a friend, it won't work the other way around.
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that was very well put...i have a 14 year old and have a daily signed report from the teachers so i know what home work he has.....kids,well i guess i was that way once:LoL:
 
He's definately his fathers son... damnit! I just wish I could get it through that thick head the importance of it all.
 
I feel your pain bother! Seems like we all go through the same thing....I never believed my parents when they said it was harder on them than it was on me until now.
 
I've got 3 in school and feel your pain. My oldest is 14 going into the 9th grade, if she passes. Right now she has a low C in phys ed. I have no idea how she has managed this but GAWD it's phys ed, and a D in enrichment which is where they get AR points for reading. The teacher left a comment on her report card that she does nothing in class. So she is grounded until she brings em all back up. I figure she will learn eventually.
 
I was a Straight A kid on the 95-100 point scale, if I brought home a B I had some explaining to do and what I needed to do to keep the B or bring it up. In our school, there was no spoon-feeding either. In fact, the school still believes in Paddling as a form of discipline. And when I got paddled at school I got the belt when I got home. To this day, I never step out of line with my parents expectations. I may be grown, but I'm sure my dad would still whoop my ass if I did something he declared 'stupid'.

On a related note, my fiancee's oldest younger brother does his homework but doesn't turn it in because the other kids pick on the teacher's pets. He is now enrolled in Young Marines (His Choice) and it has greatly influenced how he feels about those opinions. Now he does his work, turns it in, and ignores the losers who don't do their work.

Her youngest brother is starting to do the same thing. He will be failing a class, yet he has a folder stuffed full of homework he never turned in. Their foster/adoptive parents get a call from the teacher each day with the homework for the day if he starts not turning it in. They really look out for the boys, which is rare to see this day in age.

I think someone has said it before, each year it gets worse with how kids behave and with what is deemed acceptable behavior and punishment. Like it or not, my kids will be raised the same way I was and that's with respect given only when earned.

As for this statement:
"He'd better pull it off or he'll lose the game systems and r/c's."

I think it should read...
"He'd better pull it off or he'll never get back the game systems and r/c's."
 
He's lost them alright, it's a matter of whether it's permanently or not...

I got a call from him after school let out today, wanted to know if he could start staying after school for tutoring. And when I picked him up, his English teachre was there to let me know he'd already made up the missing work, made up a quiz, and finished his homework for the night. Said he'd made up enough work in one session to bring his grade up a letter. Even got a 100% on that make up quiz...

That's what get's me so upset, he can do it, and obviosly well if he just puts forth the effort!

He's a far cry from a disciplin problem, he just needs to be reminded that laziness and work don't mix, and there are consequences if it does.
 
I was that kid telling my parents I didn't have any homework and doing bad when I should have been doing great. My biggest problem was that I didn't HAVE to do my homework or study to pass the tests. I was always blessed with being an good tester, which turned out to be a curse sometimes. I didn't understand why I had to do all those assignments when I could make good grades on tests without them. Well now that I'm in college and the real world, I REALLY wish I would have listened to my parents and tried harder in school. I'm sure I would be on a full ride and getting an allowance from the school of my choice, instead of busting it with two jobs and going to college to.

Fix, it sounds like maybe your son just needs to have it reinforced that as soon as he starts slipping and the teacher lets you or his mom know, the stuff will be gone for a semester, no questions asked. If he knows that he can get a bad progress report and then buck up for a few days and get the stuff back, he'll just make a habit of it. Obviously the teacher cares enough to let you know about his progress, so I'm sure she would give you a call if you asked her to when he starts going downhill again. Please know, I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your kids, it's just that I WAS that kid about 8 or 10 years ago.
 
I'm not going to regale you with the trials of my educational experience. I'm the son of a Naval Captain and he holds two masters degrees in the sciences, so you being a proud and honorable member of our fighting forces (and I thank you from the bottom of my heart) I know what both you and your son are going through.

I am fortunate to have a nine year-old son that has been classified as 'gifted' by the school district. That being said, your son and mine sound like they should go bowling sometime! His grades are good, but he seems to loaf it at times and I feel the need to ride his little ass about it! My lovely wife, who is a former teacher, came up with a better idea that has worked wonders! She came up with a pebble system. She found a mess of those little glass balls you find at stores like Pier One or Hobby Lobby and assigned a value to them. Once he completes his work, be it school work, chores or simply showing respect or a random act of kindness, he earns a set amount of pebbles. Once he reaches a set amount of pebbles, he can get his allowance or he earns TV or video game credits. Additionally, we set up a schedule of requirements that he can meet to earn additional credits and then made tickets that my wife and I laminated to give him. When he completes something, we issue him a ticket (i.e. 1 hour of video game time, 1 hour on the computer, etc.) that he can redeem later.

My father was one to ride my ass (although I love the guy to death) on math, science, etc. which is why I probably majored in telecommunications theory and minored in English (HA HA HA HA) and ended up in sales. This system my wife came up with and I helped flesh out is working wonders and we're now using it with my five year-old daughter and it is showing great results!

Hopefully this gives you some food for thought! Good luck!

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR PROTECTING MY FAMILY! I APPRECIATE IT!
 
I was that kid earlier this year too. Then I decided to get off my arse and start working for it--last quarter I got straight A's except for a high B in driver's ed and a C in algebra (but trust me I have HORRIBLE teacher in that class; he's concerned more with giving homework than teaching us).

I got mostly B's the quarters before that and I know that colleges like A's a lot more than B's. I'm in an AP class this year and AP chemistry next year.

I got a huge research paper due after spring break that I'm going to work on all next week. It's worth almost 700 points. I'm hoping to get an awesome grade on it and keep it there.
 
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Thanks for the idea MW. We may have to try doing something like that again. We had a similar system at one point with stars on a kind of chore list that included everything from brushing teeth to making good scores on tests. That kind of fell to the wayside after a while when our hours at work increased.

Cupooterluvr, keep up the good work! What was it that got you motivated to do better though? Whatever it was, I'd say you're a good influence for others like my son. Good luck with your paper, sounds like it'll be tough!!

Off subject here.. just to clear things, I'm not in the military. I was working as a contractor in Iraq supporting our Marines :boxing: at Al Asad in Anbar. (I did put in 10yrs in the Navy though, but my last day in uniform was in 98)
 
Off subject here.. just to clear things, I'm not in the military. I was working as a contractor in Iraq supporting our Marines at Al Asad in Anbar. (I did put in 10yrs in the Navy though, but my last day in uniform was in 98)
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Contractor or not, I still thank you, sir! You're away from your family and friends, and I appreciate it all the same. Good luck with your prodigy, no doubt you'll get it figured out! :bow:
 
Yeah, we're getting it worked out. He can make life just as easy as he can make it difficult! But that's a kid for ya! He's learning..

And Thanks!
 
We have 2 cats... when they are bad we squirt them with a water bottle...

Sorry, not much help here, no kids. Although, squirting him in the face with a water bottle might make him think about what you will do next!?!?

I grew up with older parents who were in their 50's before I was 10. Pretty sure I was an "oops" baby. I have 5 older brothers/sisters that all had completely different "parents" as they were all raised pretty differently since the ages gapped so much and my parents changed so much. The first 3 (2 sis, 1 bro) were all within 5 years of each other. Then 8 years later a set of twins, then 8 years later, me. All 3 sets raised a different way (by the same parents) ranging from strict to "whatever". The only constant was that if you did something bad enough for mom to tell dad, you were getting a woop'n. And church 3 times a week. No questions asked.

ALso, when I was 10, my dad had severe health issues show up out of nowhere. My brothers were about to move out/on to college and I was alone with my parents. From about 10-15, I raised myself as my dad was forced to retire and became more sick (leukemia). It's been 22 years since he was diagnosed and he's still fighting.

Anyway, beings I more or less had very little supervision from about 11-18, I became the "dad" of the house and did all the things dad used to do with dads supervision... so I kind of didn't have a teenage section of my life. I had about a 3.0GPA and they never really even talked to me much about school, homework, afterschool stuff, sports...

Seeing what all of you guys have discussed kind of made me realize I never had a chance to "grow" from a kid to an adult. I just became an adult at 11-12 and occasionally did something really stupid to revolt against the loss of my "freedom".

It sounds like though if you try and keep a more constant eye on things and maintain a constant level of strictness, he may even out with you vs the highs/lows it sounds like your dealing with.

Good luck.
 
A friend of mine had the same issue with his son after we got back from Kuwait. His poor boy just kind of imploded, burried himself in video games. After Jeff got back, he had to spend a lot of time riding his kid's ass. He is back up and running at the head of his class again and dosen't spend much time on the idiot box anymore. Jeff got him into hockey, it has been the best outlet for the boy, and a good motivater too.
 
Man it's hard to tell what is going through a kids head.
I for one have caused my parents a lot of grief. My parents were real strict. I was rebellious. Thought I knew more than they did till I got about 21, 22. Then I realized how damn stupid I was.

I resented my Dad growing up. He was the bread-winner and always gone. Seemed like the only time he was there was for discipline. Could tell you some stories, but I won't. What is it? "Spare the rod, spoil the child." Is that right?
We finally got real close the last 20 years of his life. He mellowed and I started listening a little. We got some respect for each other.
Now I'm going through a lot of things with my 22 year old kid.

Go with NCNitro's advice. Cut him off with what he enjoys the most. Maybe let him have a little time during the week if he does better? You being gone, all the time though, talk it over with the wife. She needs to stick to it. If not, you are the bad guy. Hope that makes sense.

Good luck.
 
I think a big part of whatever plan that you devise will be too make sure that you and the wife are 100 percent on the same page. It doesn't do much good to take away his video games, if the other one says "you've been doing so good, I don't see what it would hurt to play some games while your mom/dad is gone"
 
It's the consistancy thing. We've let up on him once the grades got back up. We know we're not going to be able to do that anymore.. But we've always been on the same page holding true to the "you're not getting that until this happens" thing.
Since the time I got the call yesterday about staying after school for tutoring, he's completed all the missing assignments for 3 of the 4 classes by the time he went to bed last night. Granted, he had to do school work from the time he got home until 10:30pm, but he got it done. He'll complete the rest of it tonight and begin studying for the testing next week.
He keeps his nose to the grindstone as long as the wife and I do the same with him. So no more breaks, no more video games, internet, or r/c's until the weekends and only after all school work is done. But he won't get any of it until after report cards come out in a few weeks.
I reminded him also that he won't be able to play football or hockey this next year because his GPA is too low. You could see the wheels start to turn a little harder...
 

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