Happy Friday Jokes

[sweetdiesel]

Post here...I'll start.




AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Parisi?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Volpe?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Joey Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "what'd you get?"

"4 months vacation and five good leads."

Another one

A man robs a bank and takes hostages.
He asks the first hostage if he saw him rob the bank.
Hostage answers "yes."
Robber shoots him.

He asks the second hostage if he saw him rob the bank.
Hostage answers "yes."
Robber shoots him.

He asks the third hostage if he saw him rob the bank.
Hostage answers, "No, but my mother-in-law did."

 

[hamz9561]

How Many Dogs does it take to Change a Light Bulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
whole lives ahead of us and you're inside worrying about a stupid
light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace all the wiring that's
not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach the stupid lamp.

Rottweiler: Make me.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Labrador: Oh, me, me! PLEEEEEEZE! Let me change the light bulb! Can
I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? PLEEEEEEZE! Please! Please!

German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from
the dark, checked to make sure I haven't missed any and made one more
perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of
the situation.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
walls and the furniture.

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I' m sorry, I don't see a light
bulb.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
dark.

Chihuahua: Yo quiero taco bulb.

Pointer: I see it! There it is! There it is, right there! I see it!
There it is! There it is, right there!

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little
circle.

French Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do
it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs.
So the real question is how long will it be before I can expect some
light, some dinner and a massage.

All of which proves, once again, that while dogs have masters, cats
have staff.

 

[Rolex]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

He replied:
It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken.

 

[olds97_lss]

I always like jokes with a happy ending! ROFL! Great one Rolex!

 

[ohmygahitscoby]

LOL Rolex. Nice one.

 

[Bryson]

AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION is a great one lol. Rolex, yours isnt to far behind lol.

Bryson