Flight Hanger Humor

[SpitFireV12RR]

I was browsing around on my local Flight Simulator forum and found this thing. Just take a look at some...I found myself on the floor after reading a couple.

Qantas Airlines gripes and fixes:
----------------------------------------
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let

it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots
and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

----------------------------------------
> (P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
> (S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
----------------------------------------
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
----------------------------------------
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
----------------------------------------
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
----------------------------------------
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
----------------------------------------
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
----------------------------------------
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
----------------------------------------
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they're for.
----------------------------------------
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
----------------------------------------
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
----------------------------------------
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
----------------------------------------
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
----------------------------------------
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
----------------------------------------
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
----------------------------------------
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget
----------------------------------------

 

[SumoDethRat]

Good find, I got a good laugh out of it.

 

[jetmechG550]

Old news bro, sorry they were old when I went through A&P school 13 years ago.

 

[SkyMaxx]

Yup...but they are still funny.

 

[retarded pilot]

Yup...but they are still funny.

yes they are!!

jetmech (or anyone in the feild) do you think those could be real? i would think with regulations & the chance higher up's in the FAA would see it, that there would be no room for playfullnes in paperwork

 

[NCNitro]

ROTFLMAO! That was great! It's the first time I have seen that.

 

[jetmechG550]

I've signed a couple things off as does not work in the O-F-F position before. Usually you need a reference but in cases like that you should really do the "performed ops check with no faults found" sign off. Depending on my mood and how dumb the write up is will determine my sign-off and how big of a peepee I want to be!

 

[robriguez]

buddy of mine worked as a mech for a private airline out here (they are like a limo company but for airplanes not cars) and he took me for a tour one time, he showed me one of the log books the pilots have to keep. Wehn they land somewhere they have to wait the for customer to show back up again and they have ALOT of down time. they had ALOT of funny as stuff in there. They tried to hide with it serious talk (like the ID-10-T codes) but it meant bullshit.

 

[olds97_lss]

I've seen that list a few times in the past... but the brief search for 3rd engine and the midget one always gets me laughing.

 

[SkyMaxx]

Being one of the types that generates the problem side of the MAF (Maintenance Action Form), I can say I have never seen anything as blatant as those. I have seen several can not duplicate on deck, doesn't work in the OFF position, and a few smart-ass responses. But being in the military things tend to be a bit more straightlaced than some of those. I have been fortunate enough to not generate a MAF that got a smart ass response, but have read several in the books prior to going flying. With a bit over 2000 hours of flight time, I have read quite a bit.

 

[jetmechG550]

I work for a corporate flight department so we are bit different. As advanced as our airplanes are (computers with wings) there's what we call nuissance faults that are really more of a timing issue or trying to do too much at one time. We have what's called a "gotcha list" that is comprised of most of the known issues that we keep in our maintenance log that rides on the airplane. This way if our pilots can look over the list before they write something up that isn't really a discrepancy. I'm sure SkyMaxx can attest to this but in aviation whether civilian or the military we slaughter the hell out trees!

 

[SkyMaxx]

Very, very true...and in both civilian and military aviation the guys who maintain what the aviators break always have a twisted sense of humor when it comes to paperwork that gets generated for no reason or for gripes that are not really gripes.

 

[retarded pilot]

thats to cool guys,

i thought those were way to funny to have a chance of being real, but i see luckily i was wrong. LOL

 

[jetmechG550]

We like to say all our new aircraft come with a dog. The dog sits between the pilot and co-pilot to make sure neither one touches anything. He growls if they reach and snaps if they touch! LOL