Last one, I promise

[FlyinRazorback]

Well, I lied, here are 2 more

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Bob Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he discovered the longest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong.

The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.

"Oh, my God!" she screamed, "Bob Schwartz is dead!"

-----------------------------------------------------------

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"ONE CENT!" exclaims the guy.

The barman replies, "Yes."

So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks," Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?"

"Certainly, sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the guy.

"4 cents", he replies.

"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."

The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies, "Same thing I'm doing to his business."
:beer:

 

[kwong2001]

Just for the I lied part, i'm not gonna read it...oooh

 

[KMN]

Gettin screwed...


I'd do it too... :fro: :doc:

 

[KoRnKiD]

the first one is good

 

[KMN]

They're both great stuff...


Is this a one liner?:OT:

 

[AoD]

Lmfao I like the bar one

 

[SilentHunterKellen]

Good Ones! Try These out for size:
This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, "Ballroom please."
A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't
realize I was crowding you."

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
There was a man who woke up one morning with a red ring around his member.
Astonished he panicked and hurried to the emergency room.
The Doctor looked at it and gave the man some lotion to rub on it twice a
day, if no results come back tomorrow. This went on for three days when a
new nurse happened to be in the same ER. She asked if she could suggest
something. The Dr. at his wit's end because he wasn't able to cure the
problem, agreed to let the nurse try her hand.

The nurse gave the man a smelly lotion and said rub it very gently on his
member before he when to bed. The man went home and followed her
instructions.

The very next day came back happy as a lark! He found the nurse and Doctor
and thanked them for all they're help.

As the man left, the Dr. turned to the nurse and asked what was the miracle
lotion?


The nurse smiled and replied, "Lip stick remover."

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Sing it, it sounds better.....

His baloney has a first name:
It's "I did not inhale."
His baloney has a second name:
"I wasn't getting tail."

He loves to sling it every day,
The White House people all just say,
That Billy Clinton has a way
Of making bullshit sound OK!
[move]-Kellen[/move]

 

[RobH]

Did I ever mention, my last name is Schwartz .....

 

[FlyinRazorback]

Originally posted by NoviceRob
Did I ever mention, my last name is Schwartz .....

You don't go by "Bob" do ya?

SHK, pretty good ones. Now I know how to remove that damn red ring.......

 

[Kevrone]

LMAO at FlyinRazorback




Good ones

 

[Maxxcrazy88]

My science teachers Name is Schwartz but the only schlong he has is his head (The One with the eyes mouth,ears you know......)

 

[mquejr]

A cowboy walks into a village bar. The locals are known for not being very kind to strangers, so when the cowboy is finished his drink, he goes back outside to find his horse missing.

So he walks back in and says in a forceful tone: "who took my horse?"

Naturally, no one answers.

"Ah'm gonna have another drink, and if ah goes back out there and mah horse is not back, Ah'm gonna have to do what I dun in Texas, and Ah don't wanna do what Ah dun in Texas!"

The other people in the bar shift restlessly.

So he finishes his drink and goes back outside. His horse is back! He climbs back on it and is about to ride off when the bartender comes out.

"Say, podner, what did you do in Texas?"

"Ah had to walk home!"

 

[FlyinRazorback]

:clap: