"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"No sudden movements or I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet."
"So you don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this next question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey dung."
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"You didn't think we gave tickets to pretty women? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"No sudden movements or I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet."
"So you don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this next question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey dung."
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"You didn't think we gave tickets to pretty women? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
