Extreme Redneck

[sweetdiesel]

You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....


1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is 'out of your league' bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the 'Star-Spangled Banner' are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

 

[marauder]

Hahaha, I'm rolling

 

[robmob]

much gas is in it.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

lmfao......

 

[ImBroken]

10. You think the last words of the 'Star-Spangled Banner' are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '

Hmmmm, I think I know a certain someone.... You know who you are... LMAO...

 

[MrClean]

Too many of these sound familiar to me. :\

 

[h8z2luze]

LMAO!!!


6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

 

[digger]

Here are a few more.


You know you're a redneck when:

"He needed killin' " is a valid defense.

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."

There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.

Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin wal-martin"or off to "Wally World.

You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.

A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop ... it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor

If you forget a guys name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba" (or "Junior"). You have a 75% chance of being right.

If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, leave it be.

Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

Only a true redneck knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.

Only a true redneck knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."

Only a true redneck can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only rednecks grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.


One more:

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. 'Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something, but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground.'

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, 'You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!'

The other added 'Yeah, but we're getting farther and farther away from the truck!'

Last one.

After having their 11th child, a hillbilly couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The hillbilly said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1"

"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

 

[alpinehyperlite]

You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....


2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

Now thats not really fair. because with the price of gas these days, even a brand new car's price could be effected. lol:whhooo:

 

[CharliesTheMan]

I think it's more like with the price of gas these days, most rednecks have more than the value of their truck in their gas tank lmao!