Airplane Humor

[Tweak]

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Completely useless, but ost_count1: for me!

 

[bentover]

Looks like something that the producers of "Airplane" would have thought of!

 

[WoodiE]

Nice, I like

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

haha



-Michael

 

[frickenjoey]

Being an aircraft mechanic by trade.....I have seen some good ones....these have been going around for about 15 years that I know of....and they still make me grin... and wish I could ACTUALLY sign something off like that....lol

 

[bentover]

The evidence remark will make a good remark to put down on my daily pre-trip sheet everytime I take the boss' truck out!

 

[hamz9561]

ROFLMAO!! I'm surprised Jetmech hasn't replied to this yet. This is right up his alley, too.

 

[Tweak]

"Plane warned to straighten up and fly right" and "Took hammer from midget" are just too funny.

 

[CHRIZDIZLE]

Aahhahahaha. Thats was great.
Especially this one:

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

I'm laughing because of that one ahaha.:LoL:

 

[Burgers8]

oh man. that was funny. i love the engine one. they found it after a breif search. that hilarious.

 

[NCNitro]

LMFAO! Those are great! :LoL:

 

[Rolex]

Those are classics.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.