Vitavon Arms. Make this make sense!😤

[N. Mango]

 

[BashingBrian]

So I contacted Vitavon, and their response is more perplexing than the issue itself....then it ended with a sales pitch.

Here's what they said...

"Hello Sir,

It does with angle on the top and flat on the bottom, I suggest that you can use our strap for limited traval to protect your shocks. thanks"

This is why using Chinese companies sucks sometimes, it was all good until you had an issue, and now you're still left with arms that make no sense and they want you to buy something that you shouldn't need..

 

[Horatio]

Obviously Chinese customer services have no idea how droop screws actually work.

They make no sense.

My Chinese is better than their English. Ahem, ladies and gentlemen - please allow me to indulge.

Good grief! These ads talk some bollocks, right? If this is the extent of Chinesium AI, they're some way off the West. I'm sure our AI could come up with better Chinese ads!

Manual of Assembly for Wind Device of Eternal Sips

Step 1: Summon Inner Technician
Breathe deeply. Align your spiritual aura with the box. Ignore the packaging tape—it is but illusion.

Step 2: Greet Each Part with Respect
Lay out all pieces before you. Whisper to Screw B as you place it near Plate of Mystical Rotation. Extra screws? These are tribute from factory spirits.

Step 3: Consult Diagram of Uncertainty
Stare at the instructions until they begin to make less sense. Flip the page. It will not help. Honor the squiggly lines by drawing your own.

Step 4: Assemble Without Logic
Insert Tab A into Slot B. Realize Slot B does not exist. Improvise with glue, tape, or emotional breakdown. Repeat process until unit vaguely resembles a fan.

Step 5: Celebrate the Glorious Malfunction
Plug in device. Sparks fly. Wind blows sideways. You sip tea. This is success according to the Way of the Confused Phoenix.

Or in Chinese:


《永恒饮茶风之装置》安装之道

第一步：唤醒内在技师
深吸一口气，与包装盒达成灵魂共振。忘记胶带的存在，它只是红尘幻影。

第二步：与零件交朋友
将所有零件摆成八卦阵。轻声细语安抚螺丝乙，摆于神秘转盘之旁。多出的螺丝是厂方仙人留下的厚礼。

第三步：参悟不确定之图
凝视说明书，直到你开始质疑人生。翻页，迷惑加倍。若有不解之处，可随性涂鸦，致敬混沌之美。

第四步：不按常理出牌地组装
将A插片塞入B之槽。发现槽B乃镜中花，梦中月。可用胶水、胶带或眼泪修正之。重复操作，直至物品略像风扇。

第五步：庆祝辉煌的故障
通电。电光闪烁，风向迷离。你饮茶一口，装置震颤——此即迷之凤凰之道的大圆满。

I put it to our Chinese manufacturers - our mandarin is better than your English!

And our Stealth aircraft are much, much better.

If your footsteps can’t outrun your shadow, unleash the wheels instead.

Overview:
This is no ordinary car—it is the dream of the blue dragon, the embodiment of thunder and starlight! With a single button press, it surges forth like lightning, shattering hesitation and charging toward the summit of the unknown.

Features:
- 8-wheel drive — climbs mountains like they’re speed bumps
- Power so strong it may sprint across national borders
- Remote control range? Far enough to influence your neighbor’s cat
- Top speed: so fast it might make you question physics

Usage Tips:
Release your wild spirit in open terrain. Indoors… caution advised. This car bears the ambition to obliterate teacups.

Customer Testimonial:
> “My son played with it for five minutes—I ended up on my knees begging for my turn.”
> — Wang Dacui, 35, former RC car skeptic....

Instructions of Great Precision for Product of Supreme Manufacturing
(As translated from somewhat dubious original scroll unearthed in factory basement)

Honored User,
You have graciously accepted artifact of unmatched quality, forged in the mysterious alloy known as Chinesium. Please obey sacred guidelines so as not to awaken curse of warranty voidance.

---

Forbidden Practices That Bring Dishonor to Product and Ancestral Lineage:

- Do not immerse in fire. This object is not Phoenix. It will not rise. You will only get sadness and smoke.

- Do not repeatedly beat with club. Product is not rebellious teenager. Discipline by bludgeoning yields no enlightenment.

- Do not run over with train. While built with confidence of 1,000 engineers, product is not Kung Fu master. Train always wins.

- Do not decompress in hyperbaric chamber. Atmospheric imbalance causes confusion in product's qi flow. Also possibly implosion.

- Do not challenge to game of chess during lunar eclipse. It knows no strategy and becomes agitated near celestial interference.

- Do not use as flotation device during shark migration. Product cannot negotiate treaty with sea creatures.

- Do not feed after midnight. Technically not required, but why risk surprise metamorphosis?

There's more, but that's probably more than enough for now.....

 

[CertifiedMike]

Obviously Chinese customer services have no idea how droop screws actually work.

They make no sense.

My Chinese is better than their English. Ahem, ladies and gentlemen - please allow me to indulge.

View attachment 249368


Good grief! These ads talk some bollocks, right? If this is the extent of Chinesium AI, they're some way off the West. I'm sure our AI could come up with better Chinese ads!

Manual of Assembly for Wind Device of Eternal Sips

Step 1: Summon Inner Technician
Breathe deeply. Align your spiritual aura with the box. Ignore the packaging tape—it is but illusion.

Step 2: Greet Each Part with Respect
Lay out all pieces before you. Whisper to Screw B as you place it near Plate of Mystical Rotation. Extra screws? These are tribute from factory spirits.

Step 3: Consult Diagram of Uncertainty
Stare at the instructions until they begin to make less sense. Flip the page. It will not help. Honor the squiggly lines by drawing your own.

Step 4: Assemble Without Logic
Insert Tab A into Slot B. Realize Slot B does not exist. Improvise with glue, tape, or emotional breakdown. Repeat process until unit vaguely resembles a fan.

Step 5: Celebrate the Glorious Malfunction
Plug in device. Sparks fly. Wind blows sideways. You sip tea. This is success according to the Way of the Confused Phoenix.

Or in Chinese:


《永恒饮茶风之装置》安装之道

第一步：唤醒内在技师
深吸一口气，与包装盒达成灵魂共振。忘记胶带的存在，它只是红尘幻影。

第二步：与零件交朋友
将所有零件摆成八卦阵。轻声细语安抚螺丝乙，摆于神秘转盘之旁。多出的螺丝是厂方仙人留下的厚礼。

第三步：参悟不确定之图
凝视说明书，直到你开始质疑人生。翻页，迷惑加倍。若有不解之处，可随性涂鸦，致敬混沌之美。

第四步：不按常理出牌地组装
将A插片塞入B之槽。发现槽B乃镜中花，梦中月。可用胶水、胶带或眼泪修正之。重复操作，直至物品略像风扇。

第五步：庆祝辉煌的故障
通电。电光闪烁，风向迷离。你饮茶一口，装置震颤——此即迷之凤凰之道的大圆满。

I put it to our Chinese manufacturers - our mandarin is better than your English!

And our Stealth aircraft are much, much better.

If your footsteps can’t outrun your shadow, unleash the wheels instead.

Overview:
This is no ordinary car—it is the dream of the blue dragon, the embodiment of thunder and starlight! With a single button press, it surges forth like lightning, shattering hesitation and charging toward the summit of the unknown.

Features:
- 8-wheel drive — climbs mountains like they’re speed bumps
- Power so strong it may sprint across national borders
- Remote control range? Far enough to influence your neighbor’s cat
- Top speed: so fast it might make you question physics

Usage Tips:
Release your wild spirit in open terrain. Indoors… caution advised. This car bears the ambition to obliterate teacups.

Customer Testimonial:
> “My son played with it for five minutes—I ended up on my knees begging for my turn.”
> — Wang Dacui, 35, former RC car skeptic....

Instructions of Great Precision for Product of Supreme Manufacturing
(As translated from somewhat dubious original scroll unearthed in factory basement)

Honored User,
You have graciously accepted artifact of unmatched quality, forged in the mysterious alloy known as Chinesium. Please obey sacred guidelines so as not to awaken curse of warranty voidance.

---

Forbidden Practices That Bring Dishonor to Product and Ancestral Lineage:

- Do not immerse in fire. This object is not Phoenix. It will not rise. You will only get sadness and smoke.

- Do not repeatedly beat with club. Product is not rebellious teenager. Discipline by bludgeoning yields no enlightenment.

- Do not run over with train. While built with confidence of 1,000 engineers, product is not Kung Fu master. Train always wins.

- Do not decompress in hyperbaric chamber. Atmospheric imbalance causes confusion in product's qi flow. Also possibly implosion.

- Do not challenge to game of chess during lunar eclipse. It knows no strategy and becomes agitated near celestial interference.

- Do not use as flotation device during shark migration. Product cannot negotiate treaty with sea creatures.

- Do not feed after midnight. Technically not required, but why risk surprise metamorphosis?

There's more, but that's probably more than enough for now.....

These poor translations that we get from Chinese companies are intentional imo.
Why give money back when jibberish is free???

I have done business with a chinese company. Back and forth, finding a solution to a problem I had.
Even when I dealt with them, our communication barriers were pretty easily negotiated.

Customer satisfaction and quality product seem to be less important than profit in China too.

How many ppl will go back to buy more from a place after a situation like this arises and not resolved???

This is a one and done situation for me. Mistakes happen. When a resolve is not found for that mistake... if I was forced to keep $100 in junk parts,I would not deal with that company again. Ever.

I am honestly curious how many ppl do the same as I did and how many ppl shrug it off and try their luck again.